Karissa Mihae

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Created for so much more

God’s never overwhelmed by our lack of faith. He knows we have a difficult time trusting him. He gets it and doesn’t expect us to dive head on into anything with Him. But like we love others and trust their intentions, we must learn to trust him in the same way. He doesn’t want us to sit in our sorrow or pain. He made us stronger than that, our hearts and minds are much stronger than our emotional capacity. We were created with such strength. Think about it.. it’s incredible how much children go through.. Divorced parents, let-downs, failure, physical pain and realizing their limitations as humans… From the moment we were born, we were created to fight for our lives. We struggle and we cry about different things, but we fight back. We must not give in to the lies of movies and books. We aren’t crushed when something doesn’t work out. We aren’t lost when we go through heartbreak. We aren’t ruined when someone dies. We aren’t screwed when we lose a job. We completely forget everything true. God has bigger plans than we could ever imagine. Though we often feel frustrated we didn’t make things go differently or we didn’t appreciate the “time we had”, it’s never too late. We weren’t CREATED to give up. We were created to fight back when life is stepping all over us. Our dreams seem crushed at times, but we need to dream a little more. We must remind ourselves that our future with God is better than we could ever plan.

Think back to a time when you were crushed. In the timeline of life and in the big scheme of things, what great thing happened?

I can honestly say, every time I went through something difficult, I was super blessed by an unexpected friendship, job, vision for the future or even the freedom to dream because I wasn’t tied down anymore by whatever what consuming my life.

I think God takes away things that consume us, anything taking his rightful place. We get so angry at God when He takes our “favorite” thing at the time. We like control and we like to be able to choose when things enter and exit our lives and our time. But that’s not the point of living at all, it’s not ABOUT US. It’s not about ME. It’s all about Him. it’s all about bringing him glory.

Sometimes, we aren’t willing to come back to him unless we are emotionally affected by stuff going on. We connect to him in a personal way when our emotions aren’t steady and perfectly in place. He doesn’t want us to have a shallow relationship with him. It takes times of vulnerability and pain for us to connect to others and this depth goes for God too.

Let’s stop crying and start praising our Miracle Maker, our Sovereign God. He loves us too much to let us get consumed by only one thing in our lives. He wants our full love and our complete commitment to Him. He wants our whole hearts because then he can gift us with blessings of things we never could have imagined. He’s absolutely capable of transforming our lives, but only if we are willing to admit to him and ourselves what we are most mad about.  What are we most hurt over? What are we bitter about? 

When am I going to ask Him what He wants from me in the moments of utter heartbreak and discouragement? 

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And your doubt can become a good quality if you train it. It must become knowing, it must become criticism. Ask it, whenever it wants to spoil something for you, why something is ugly, demand proofs from it, test it, and you will find it perhaps bewildered and embarrassed, perhaps also protesting. But don’t give in, insist on arguments, and act in this way, attentive and persistent, every single time, and the day will come when, instead of being a destroyer, it will become one of your best workers—perhaps the most intelligent of all the ones that are building your life.

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

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When it rains, it pours

 

Emotion rushes over you

Falling apart from the inside out

Tragedy all around you

Erupting the heart’s deepest fears

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Never was control an option

Instead, call it “a decision”

Death and life adjacent

Today could be my last

— 

Slaughters affirm

The reality of immorality

Infecting communities like disease

Left drowning in hopelessness

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So much damage, so much pain

What hope?

What god?

Please Jesus, give us a break!

 —

When it rains, it pours

Could this situation be redeemed?

How am I to worship you?

So many unanswered questions

 —

Why when I am at my lowest

I experience your love the most?

I search everywhere for you

But it is when I give up, I discover

 —

Glimpses of courage

An unveiling

Reality recognizable

Thank God I haven’t completely lost it

 —

Have the unanswered questions been accounted for?

Must one wait? Or is there a way?

If I search high and low

Will truth be exposed?

— 

I feel abandoned and weary

Tentative and guarded

How do I rid my ocean of fears?

Because only now I will admit

 —

I first must learn to be

“Just let go,” I hear

A voice much like my own

Whispering, yet screaming

 —

Acceptance only possible

If paired with honesty

Still an underlying heartache

Apprehension, my conscience

 —

“NO!”  I respond, “How could I?”

However, my needs won the war

The execution of my racing mind

An attempt at mere existence

— 

You acknowledge the rain

You allow me to breathe

Another day of life passes

Yes, today could be my last

 —

Nothing more necessary than the process

And, oh, it is a process

Today, I will breathe

In hopes that tomorrow I will learn just to be.

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A Pathetic & Apathetic Victory

The loss for words, amidst countless thoughts

Hardly alive; survival would be a miracle

Contemplation and comparison, introspection and debating

One’s soul lost in the chaos of it all

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Emotions numb to the ebb and flow of life’s sicknesses

Prevalent and apparent, an underwhelm of emotions

Fearful of what was once so fierce, now so sure and steady

Sadness and joy, laughter and tears all one in the same

 —

Fabricated dreams and perverse truths unveiled

Relationships begin to shatter

One gasps, “My entire reality is built on lies”

Blind trust exposed, resentment remains

Through an agonizing strain, one finally “lets go”

Poisonous pride holds on ever so tightly

Devious self-love fights to its death

And with final breath, exhaustion is left

The battle is through

Hours, days, years conceded

One’s own presence absent

The sick world continues on

The freedom from a governing grip

Everything once believed

No longer in existence

Lost evermore

— 

No use in assuming

And no place for predicting

For the tiny seed of hope vanished in the desperation

All that is left is yet, but a choice.

Burdened by loneliness

Smothered in darkness

Left hopelessly awaiting

Awaiting some form of a conclusion

 —

For only a moment

A deep, indescribable peace

The resolution sufficient

It is presence, the Spirit discovered.